Long personal post

So this post is for me, I am going back and forth between having another baby. I think of things and I think no I can wait awhile and then I think of other things and I want to just get on it and have another baby. So this is a post for me, looking back at my pregnancy and what it was like.

This is a picture in November, I was still really sick and not showing all that much, All I could do is get out of bed to dry heave in the garbage and then climb back in to bed. My morning sickness was awful, well awful doens't even cover it. I would get in the shower and then have to sit in the bottom of the tub and dry heave and be so light headed that I would have to yell for Ryan to come help me out. I couldn't eat anything, I would drink Chocolate Milk and it would be ok for me and then I would just kick myself cause then it was like 10 min dry heave.

This is Feb. we were getting ready to go to a Valentines day party and I was feeling a lot better but still couldn't eat all food. If Ryan cooked bacon I had to retrite to the bedroom and open all the windows in the kitchen, Beef was not my friend. I couldn't really eat any meat at this point but bread was my favorite!!

Then all of a sudden I just got a belly, this is like March 1st-ish. We were going to the Renisance festival. My boobs and belly came out of no where I swear I went to sleep one night and woke up to a belly and boobs!

THis is the end of March just before I was going up to Utah for a visit. I could eat everything at this point but beef still. I hated all beef the whole time I was preg.

THis is my girl Ellie, we ended up having our babies one day apart. We had a little reunion when I came up to visit in April.

I can't remember when this picture was but I am guessing it was like end of April or beginning of May. But these white pants were my favorite, the were so comfy!



This was nearing the end maybe 35 weeks. Ryan hated when I would wear this blue shorts, his least favorite thing, I stole them from my mom when I was visiting once, I still have them and Ryan still hates them.

The middle of May, If you look you can see my belly button fighting against this shirt to be free!! ha ha.


Ok this is the least flattering picture ever, but this is the day my water broke. if you can't see my ankles are gone and my feet are so swollen! This dress is like the only thing that fit me that wasn't sweat pants or one of Ryan's shirts.


My toes after I gave birth. If you pushed on my feet water would come out of my skin!

This is what my feet and ankles looked like the last month and a half I was pregnant. It was so painful to have my skin swollen this much and no matter how long I laid down with my feet up or how much I rested, the swelling was not budging!


Our first family photo, Fin was like 2 or 3 days old, my family was down to help me do things, I was terrified, I was scared to change her clothes cause I thought that I was going to hurt her. If she cried I would rush over afraid to let her even cry for a second.

The very first pic or Finley after she was born, the look on my face pure scared. My water broke at 11:55 pm on Saturday night, I gave birth to Fin at 2:41 on June 14, 2009. Labor was nothing, I did have the epidural so that did help, but inbetween pushing we would laugh and the feeling in the room was just peaceful. When she was born we didn't cry, I didn't cry until the next day when it reallly hit me that we had a daughter to care for and that she was ours. I had a rough time for awhile after she was born, I wasn't told about how hard it is to go from carefree to taking care of a baby 24/7. Finley was beautiful, and still is, but she would cry and cry, and I didn't know that sometimes kids cry for no reason. I would hold her unitl 3 am as she would just scream, I would give her gas drops and feed her change her, rock her, nothing would soothe her. I thought for sure that it was me, I was a bad mom, I had the baby blues really bad. I was away from my family and I was lonely. It wasn't like I pictured it at all, Your body is so transformed and your hormones are all over the place. I didn't love the new born stage, but now that I think about having another one, I think of the positives like I am near family and I am in Utah and have friends that have kids and Finley is in a fun stage. But thinking of going through it again scares me, will I be as sick, will I be able to work, will Finley still feel the love I have for her and not resent the baby, will I be able to handle 2 kids. How will by body and hormones do after the birth. I know I want more kids, I know Fin would love a sibling and that Ryan wants more kids, but I am just scared....