Ryan and I, this is one of our photo's we used for our engagements. In 2008 we were married, not far after this we were pregnant, a total shock. We were preventing pregnancy, it wasn't a way happy day when we got that positive, we were kinda all over the place, scared and nervous and I didn't feel ready to have a baby yet, I had just gotten married, but we were pregnant so we just took it a day at a time.
June 14 2009 we welcomed Finley Hoyt Johnson, 6lbs 7 oz, at 2:41pm. I was still scared, way more than when I found out she was coming. Its now 2 years 7 months and 1 day later, and she is our greatest joy!! We love her like crazy... its been almost one year since we started trying for another baby, ONE year, I have been told by a lot of people oh that isn't long at all, for anyone that has tried to get pregnant and it hasn't happened any length of time is a long time to them. We started trying and I thought of ya this is going to be way easy, we must be so fertile, preventing it and Finley still came, Oh ya this baby making business is no problem.... ya that's not how it has been going. We had a miscarriage in the very beginning, and then not even a day late since. I went to my Dr and he put me on fertility pills in September, those pills made me CRAZY, like almost caused a divorce crazy!!! I was not myself, I feel so bad for Ryan looking back, he is a great great man for staying around! Those pills did nothing for me, in fact they just made my monthly come early!!!! Bleh, and here we are. This post is really personal, I usually don't post things like this, but its hard, hard when you want something so bad and it doesn't happen. Or things change so drastically that you are just holding on. Ryan is baby hungry, I want Finley to have a sibling a life long friend, but here I am second guessing if I should have another one or if Finley will be my only one. Its so hard every month, every month when it doesn't happen, the disappointment and the feeling guilty that you can get pregnant....its a heartbreak every time. So now, we are just doing our thing, and if we are blessed with another child we will be so happy, but I can't get my hopes up anymore, I am going to enjoy Finley more, if she is our only one, I am going to stock up on all the moments with her!
Ryan and I, this is one of our photo's we used for our engagements. In 2008 we were married, not far after this we were pregnant, a total shock. We were preventing pregnancy, it wasn't a way happy day when we got that positive, we were kinda all over the place, scared and nervous and I didn't feel ready to have a baby yet, I had just gotten married, but we were pregnant so we just took it a day at a time.
June 14 2009 we welcomed Finley Hoyt Johnson, 6lbs 7 oz, at 2:41pm. I was still scared, way more than when I found out she was coming. Its now 2 years 7 months and 1 day later, and she is our greatest joy!! We love her like crazy... its been almost one year since we started trying for another baby, ONE year, I have been told by a lot of people oh that isn't long at all, for anyone that has tried to get pregnant and it hasn't happened any length of time is a long time to them. We started trying and I thought of ya this is going to be way easy, we must be so fertile, preventing it and Finley still came, Oh ya this baby making business is no problem.... ya that's not how it has been going. We had a miscarriage in the very beginning, and then not even a day late since. I went to my Dr and he put me on fertility pills in September, those pills made me CRAZY, like almost caused a divorce crazy!!! I was not myself, I feel so bad for Ryan looking back, he is a great great man for staying around! Those pills did nothing for me, in fact they just made my monthly come early!!!! Bleh, and here we are. This post is really personal, I usually don't post things like this, but its hard, hard when you want something so bad and it doesn't happen. Or things change so drastically that you are just holding on. Ryan is baby hungry, I want Finley to have a sibling a life long friend, but here I am second guessing if I should have another one or if Finley will be my only one. Its so hard every month, every month when it doesn't happen, the disappointment and the feeling guilty that you can get pregnant....its a heartbreak every time. So now, we are just doing our thing, and if we are blessed with another child we will be so happy, but I can't get my hopes up anymore, I am going to enjoy Finley more, if she is our only one, I am going to stock up on all the moments with her!
7 comments:
Love you Lacey, everything will work out for the best. Like you said just enjoy your little family to the fullest!
I'll keep your family in my prayers. That must be so hard and even harder to come out and say it as it is. You're a strong woman Lacey. I wish you the best and happiest times even when life is as hard as it is right now. P.S. Finley is so cute!
Oh I love you Lacey. You are such a strong woman, I miss you alot! I want to meet up soon!
I was just talking to your sister this weekend & telling her that you guys need to have another baby. I had no idea you have been trying. I am praying for you & I hope everything works out the way you want it to! Love you girl!
I seriously feel your pain Lacey we have been trying for 3 years with no luck . It is not fun!! I am so sorry you guys have to go through this!!
I'm so sorry Lacey! I had no idea that you guys had had a miscarriage too, I'm terrified to ever try again because we never want to feel that way again. Good luck! We'll pray for you! Love you!
Thank you all for your comments. It really means a lot to us!
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